The Reason
by bohogirl
Summary: Why Benny really paid for Angel's funeral. BennyAngel friends


**Title: The Reason  
Author: Jen  
Feedback: I loved it very much!  
Pairing: None, Benny focus, Benny / Angel friends  
Word Count: 2530  
Rating: PG  
Genre: Angst  
Summary: Why Benny really paid for Angel's funeral  
Notes: Plays a bit with some events, such as when April died, when Benny met Alison and married her since it's never stated as far as i know, movie verse  
Special Thanks: Thanks to Greens for the challenge. And to Taye for being in my head as I typed each word of Benny. And electrakitty74 for looking it over.  
Spoilers: Not if you know anything about Rent  
Warnings: None unless you've never seen Rent, and then death  
Disclaimer: Rent and everything therein belongs to the Larson family**

Benny met Angel in March of 1989.

It was a cold, snowy Sunday when Benny walked by the young man drumming his heart out on a pickle tub on a street corner just a half a block from where he used to live. He slowed down enough to listen and watch as the man continued his work, apparently unaware he was being watched. Benny shivered slightly, tightening his coat around his body as he watched.

The young man stopped and looked up at Benny. "Hello, any requests?" he asked, a smile falling across his face. His voice had a slight feminine quality about it, but it barely registered in Benny's mind. The East Village was a hot bed for a mixture of people not found in many places. The residents quickly got used to almost anything.

Benny shook his head. "No, no keep going. It was good."

The young man's smile widened. "You look a little out of place here."

"I used to live here but...my wife wanted to live near her father in Westport."

"That's an upgrade," the young man said, wiping off his makeshift drum.

"Yeah, it sure was. For better or worse."

"What could be worse about moving out of here?" the young man, asked, sounding slightly puzzled.

Benny gave him a better look over. He was small, thin, and looked as if he'd seen healthier days. Like many people Benny knew in the East Village, he probably lived off whatever small amount of money he could make, sometimes being forced to choose between eating and shelter.

"Well, you know, there's nothing like the atmosphere of the East Village. That and my friends still live here." He glanced in direction of his former home. "Well, former friends."

"Former friends?"

Benny shrugged. "It's nothing really. Don't let it worry you. Keep playing."

The young man stood up and put one hand on his hip. "Honey, you've made me worry. Let's find a warm place to sit. And talk. Come on." He grinned, picked up his pickle tub, and took Benny by the hand. "I know a good place. I'm sure you've eaten there before."

The young man literally dragged Benny down to the Life Cafe. It wasn't as busy as it normally was, much to Benny's delight. The pair sat at a small table in the back, sipping cups of hot chocolate.

"So, talk to me. Oh, wait, maybe we should introduce ourselves first. Hard to get personal if you don't know the other person's name. I'm Angel."

Angel. Benny saw it as more of a description rather then a name. "Angel. I'm Benny."

"Nice to meet you, Benny. Now, talk to me." Angel laced his fingers together and leaned forward. "I don't bite, honey."

Benny sighed and shook his head. "It's hard to know what to say really."

"Just say it. Once you start, it'll just come to you."

"Well, I met Alison a few years ago. She was beautiful. Legs for days, soft hair that you just love to touch, gorgeous eyes. You know the type, you just want to be with them.."

Angel leaned his head in his hand and got a small, dreamy look in his eyes. "Hmm...yes. Expect my type tends to have broad shoulders, a cute butt, strong arms, you know that you love to be held with."

Benny nearly choked on his hot chocolate. "Um...I suppose."

Angel giggled. "Make you a bit uncomfortable?"

"No. No. No. Not at all. One of my friends is...is...well, um...he's..."

"Gay? You can say it, sweetie, your tongue won't explode."

Benny chuckled slightly. "I know. Anyway, Alison, she's wonderful. My friends though, I don't know. They didn't seem to like her too much. Mark was nice enough to her when he didn't have Maureen buzzing in his ear. Collins too. Roger was off with his girlfriend, April but when they met, it didn't seem to click either." He shook his head. "I don't know. I tried not to let it bug me but the tension just kept getting worse and worse."

"I've never met your friends but if they don't like who you're dating..."

"It wasn't really _her_. They would be nice to her but it was more who she was, what she represented. Money, upper class, everything they didn't have. Anyway, I proposed to her and they were excited enough for me. Mark and Collins anyway."

"And Roger?"

"His...I feel weird telling this to a stranger," Benny said nervously.

"Honey, who I'm gonna tell? This is the East Village. Everyone has a sob story."

"Point. Anyway, his girlfriend, she...she killed herself. Left a note saying she had AIDS and...and so did Roger. It was a horrible time for...for everyone."

"Oh, I can just imagine." Angel placed a spoon in his cup and slowly stirred it. "I know how I felt when I found out when I had it."

Benny raised an eyebrow. "You have..."

"AIDS? Yes. I've accepted it. How about Roger?"

"Last I heard...he was still in denial about it. I know Mark's trying his best to get through to him. And Collins...he took off shortly after my wedding to work at M.I.T. That was in the fall. I haven't spoken to any of them on friendly terms since I moved with my wife. My father-in-law owns the building they live in and I'm letting them stay for free."

"Well, that sounds like a wonderful gesture."

Benny scoffed and finished off his hot chocolate. "They don't see it that way, though."

"It's their loss then," Angel said, reaching out and taking Benny's hand. "As long as you're happy."

"That's just it though, I was happy here. Living with them. Mark the filmmaker, Collins the anarchist, Roger the musician."

Angel's eyes lite up. "A musician?"

"He's straight, Angel," Benny said, chuckling.

"Still, we could talk, musician to musician."

Benny laughed. "When he's not high or passed out drunk maybe."

"Well we all have to do something to pass the time, but...but it sounds like he just needs a friend to talk to."

"He has Mark for that." Benny sighed and glanced at his watcher. "Look, Angel, thank you for talking to me. It felt good to get it off my chest." He reached for his wallet and pulled out a few bills, placing them on the table for their drinks. "If you ever need anything, give me a call." He scribbled his phone number on a napkin.

Angel smiled sweetly, not having the heart to tell Benny he couldn't afford a phone line or that he didn't even have a place to live, at least legally. "Ok, Benny. And if you never need anything, I'm usually on the corner. Or just ask. Someone will be able to tell you where I'm staying."

They stood up and headed back out into the cold New York air.

"Good luck, Benny. I'm sure someday soon, they'll come around."

Benny shuffled his feet. "Maybe. I'm not holding my breath though. I wish I could go back and change things."

Angel stepped closer, his pickle tub balanced on his hip. "Benny, honey, there's something they always tell me at my Life Support meetings. Forget regret. Don't think about what happened in the past. You can't change it. No day but today." He pulled Benny into a hug. "Take care, Benny. I'll be thinking about you."

"Thank you, Angel," Benny whispered. He watched the young man walk away, a light spring in his step despite all the hardships he was facing. Angel was poor, sick, and alone but he still had a better outlook on life than most people.

He tightened his coat around his body again and headed down the street back. Once at his car, he drove home, forgetting to do what he had planned on doing when he'd gone to the Village. His father-in-law was demanding rent from Mark and Roger. Benny had gone to collect. Maybe he could hold his father-in-law off for a little while longer.

When Benny arrived at the Life Cafe in December, 1989 after the riot, he saw in the crowd that Collins with a woman, but wasn't he gay? The more Benny stared, the more he realized she was, for lack of a better word, a drag queen. He didn't instantly recognize who it was, but there was something about her, the way she moved and spoke. Benny soon realized it was Angel. It was funny how much he hadn't found out about the young man. He'd told him all about himself, but Benny had never asked Angel about his life. All he knew was that he was gay, a drummer, and suffering from AIDS. He wanted to stay and pull the young man...woman aside but his father-in-law and his business associates pulled him out. He stared at Angel as he...she left. When he got to the door, Angel looked up, their eyes locking. Benny managed a small smile and a slight nod of the head.

Angel cocked her head to the side and, amazingly enough, returned the smile. She mouthed something that Benny didn't quite get, but it appeared to be 'no regrets.' Then she winked and turned back to Collins, kissing the tall, dark man deeply before rubbing their noses together.

Benny left the Life, angry at himself for further alienating his friends. He shoved his hands into his pockets, following his father-in-law to their car. Despite what Angel had said, he wanted desperately to go back in time and change everything, to not hurt his friends, his i _family_ /i like he had. Roger, Mark, and Collins had always been there for him until he'd gotten so wrapped up in his own life and goals that he'd forgotten who had helped him along the way. He leaned his head against the glass, watching as the East Village disappeared, the only place he'd ever really felt at home.

Collins called him when Angel died. Mimi gave him regular updates on how the young man was doing. Benny had wanted to visit but he knew Collins would never let him even get near the room. Mimi whispered a quick message in the dying man's ear but that was as close as he'd gotten to the man who had listened when he thought no one would.

The phone had slipped from his hand when Collins hung up. He collapsed to the floor, sobbing quietly. The world, being as cruel as she was, had taken someone full of life and energy, leaving someone who would abandon his friends for a better life and let his loyalty to his father-in-law trump his loyalty to them alive and healthy.

The funeral was heartbreaking for all in attendance. Collins in particular looked as though he longed to jump in the coffin and join Angel for good. Benny cried slightly as everyone, save himself, got up and spoke so eloquently about how Angel had impacted their lives.

At the cemetery, Benny watched, along with Mark as Roger, Mimi, Maureen, and young, black woman whose name he learned was Joanne fought while Collins cried over his lover's grave. He couldn't believe it had all come to this, everyone fighting, and what was once a loving 'family' was slowly being ripped apart.

"Get out or pay!" a voice called after Roger, Maureen, and Joanne had left, gone to killed each other some place else Benny imagined. Mimi was sitting quietly, waiting to be taken to a clinic for rehab.

He looked over and saw the owner of the funeral parlor having a war of words with Collins and Mark over the payment.

"Damn queers."

Collins looked ready to kill the man. "That's no way to send a boy to meet his maker."

Benny stepped between them, Mark holding Collins back from his attack. "I'll pay for it." He quickly wrote a check. "It's good. Go away now."

The man looked the check over and eyed the three men before pocketing the check and heading off.

"Asshole," Benny muttered.

"Um, I should tell you that...you just paid for the funeral of the man who uh...he killed your dog," Mark said, nervously fingering at his camera.

Benny chuckled in spite of himself. "I know. I figured as much. I never did like that dog anyway. But I didn't pay for that reason. He was...we talked. Last year. He knew more about living life then I'll ever hope to know. He was so full of...of life, energy, happiness, optimism...love. He had an effect on my life. Just wish I'd fought more for what he told me. He'll...she'll be missed." He sighed and looked over at his former friends. "Guys, um, I'm..."

Collins held up a hand. "Don't, man, just...don't."

Benny lowered his head and nodded. "Look, why don't we go out for drinks. I think we need to talk."

The two men stared at him, unsure of what to say.

"No, I can't. I have to...I have to go." Mark smiled nervously and walked over towards Mimi.

Collins looked back towards Angel's grave. "He told me you two had talked."

"Collins, man..."

"I said don't. You know, a drink sounds good." He pushed past Benny and started away from the cemetery. "Are you coming?"

"In a minute. I'll meet you there in a minute." Collins nodded and walked away as Benny headed over to Angel's grave.

"I wish things had been different, Angel. I know I shouldn't but..." He sighed. "I wish it had been me and not you. You had this...this light about, this power to change things. I don't. I only...I only hope we have a chance to patch things up. For you." Benny sniffled and wiped away a tear.

"We have a chance, Benny. If we all work for it," Mark said from his side. He gave Benny a quick squeeze on the shoulder. "Keep an eye on Collins for me."

"I will. I'm sorry, Ma-"

"Now's not the time, Benny. Give us some time."

Benny nodded and watched as Mark walked away. He looked down at Angel's grave again before heading up towards Collins.

Benny paid for every beer they drank, not letting the bartender stop Collins even when it was obvious he was completely in the bag. Collins drank so much, Benny had to carry him up to the loft. He left him on the couch before surveying the place again. He used to live here, laugh here, love here. He sank into the chair next to the couch and rubbed his forehead, a headache setting in. He knew he couldn't stay here, but his heart was begging him to. Glancing at his watch, he knew it was time to head home. He placed a blanket over a passed out Collins and quietly headed out of the loft, closing the door only after taking one last look at his former life.

There was no changing the past he knew, he could only hope for a better future.


End file.
